Smoke Em If Ya Got Em

Day 731 and counting

2008-12-02T08:15:00.000-08:00

Today marks 2 years since I divorced myself from cigarettes.

I quit cold turkey on December 2, 2006 at 2:00 pm

Anyone can do it.

I highly recommend Allen Carr's book The Easy Way To Stop Smoking

This book simply gives perspective to the act of smoking. It doesn't focus on the money or the health issues. You already know all about that. It focuses on the freedoms that you sacrifice by choosing to smoke. Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't allowed to smoke. Instead, tell them that you choose not to, and that you have found freedom.

I don't know where all of the money that I was supposed to be saving went and I guess I kind of feel better knowing that at least I am dying slower now. The driving force that keeps me away from cigarettes is the freedom that I enjoy every day; flipping the bird to the master that used to own me.

Nobody can make you stop smoking. In fact, just thinking about it makes you want to smoke more. I know.

Don't quit smoking today. Quit smoking when you are ready.
But never stop getting ready.

True Freedom

2008-02-06T07:23:00.000-08:00

In short, I made it.

Not one single cigarette in over 1 year, 2 months, 3 days, 28 minutes and 6 seconds.

December 2, 2007 came and went. For whatever reason God decided to put me in Las Vegas, NV on that day for a business conference. If I can make it through that, I can do anything.

If I can quit smoking, I can do anything.

Speaking of 'do anything' the next thing I plan to do is get out of debt.

I just sent this blog to Dave Ramsey on his survey so I thought I'd make an update.

Hi Dave (and crew),

Started a newspaper route this month. I work all day, get home, go to bed at 7pm and wake up at 2am for the papers, go to work at 6am and start all over.

This is the kind of sacrifice that will pay off my debt. My normal, daytime, salaried job pays the bills just fine from paycheck to paycheck. But I can tell you that the money from the route means so much more. That money will not be wasted. It will not be squandered. It will mean something because with that money comes blood sweat and tears. The day job money is just frosting on this cake.

First on the list is get $1,000.00 in the bank for emergencies.

Put $285 yesterday.

Only $715 to go.

Freedom

2007-01-09T23:05:00.000-08:00

On December 2, 2006 @ 2PM I smoked my last cigarette down to the filter and then some in Wendover, NV at the Montego Bay Casino and left the rest of the pack of Marlboro 100 Light Menthols on the slot machine by the front entrance.

I said goodbye to an old friend that day. We were great friends. We had been through a rough life together. She was always there for me when I needed her and she always made me feel better. We enjoyed each others company when nobody else was available or when nobody else cared. We spent lots of time in the freezing cold ...spending lots of good time.

Only after reading Allen Carr's book "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking" did I realize that this was no friend. She had been stealing money from me for years and would have eventually seen to it that I died a slow and suffering death to leave my wife and children without me. Had I not seen the light I would have followed her willingly to the cold hard ground.

I don't need that bitch anymore. I have new friends now. Friends who allow me to make my own decisions and don't make me feel guilty when I don't pay attention to them. Friends who love me for who I am not for what I do. I don't have to answer to her anymore.

I have true freedom.

I hate her now. Why did she do this to me for so long with the guise of being such a good friend?

I observe daily the shackle she had on me and how I served her. She stole hundreds of dollars from me and made people think that I was weak. She has affected my relationship with my parents and I even lied for her on many occasions for years and years. I would never lie for anyone except her.

I have true freedom every time I go to the airport and I no longer have to worry about how many more times my old friend and I could meet before boarding. I have more time to enjoy a cup of coffee before getting on the plane. People no longer have to be sickened by the stench of her smell on me while I sit too close for comfort in cramped airplane seats. She is no longer waiting for me when I get off the plane begging me to stand outside and waste time when I could be doing something else, anything else. I do as I wish now, not as she wishes me to.

My God, I can only hope that I have enough time left in my short live to fix what has been done to me before it is too late.

May she never Rest In Peace and instead burn in hell forever for ambushing her next 15 year old victim who may not have the courage to be able to write just such an entry by their 31st birthday after 16 years of guilt and deception.

There was no tracking in this blog this time. No record of the misperception of sacrifice that I was left with. After killing her dead before she killed me, I can now sleep at night knowing that I have prevailed.

I have found true freedom.

This might be the last entry in this blog that I started over a year ago.

Leave me a message if you want some support to "kill" your "best friend".

42:20:38

2006-08-09T11:08:00.000-07:00

Almost 2 days now. Still sux.

18:20:15

2006-08-08T11:03:00.000-07:00

Almost lunchtime. No smokes for 18:20:15.

It sucks.
I'm so bored.
I have nothing to do.

I made a spreadsheet that calculates exactly how long I havent been smoking for. That was fun ... yeah right. Now what.

Go to lunch and eat... shit I forgot to weigh myself last night.

Smoking makes me sick. Physically ill. I get sick everytime I smoke. And then it goes away. And then I forget. And then I smoke again. And then I get sick. What the hell is going on here?

18:23:34 and counting now...

This is my last weekend with cigarettes

2006-08-03T12:30:00.000-07:00

Reading the last post seems funny to me today.

I'm not a failure. I'm doing great. I have had 6 cigarettes since that last post (including the hidden glovebox smoke). I still have not bought any more of them. I'm doing good. No need to get down on myself like that.

This will be my last weekend with cigarettes. Monday is quit day. 87654321

I have not had a smoke in the morning this whole week.
I have not had a smoke after lunch since Monday.
I have not had a smoke before bed this whole week.
I have had multiple conf calls at work without smoking before or after.
I have watered my garden without smoking.

These are all times that I HAD TO SMOKE. But ... I havent. Good boy.

The 6 that I have had were not as rewarding as I thought they were going to be and I usually didnt even finish them.

This sucks

2006-07-31T13:04:00.000-07:00

So Monday is supposed to be my quit day. I've been gearing up for it and preparing.

I had a good weekend and had very few smokes all weekend. I ran out and didnt buy anymore.

So I went to work today for the first time ever with no smokes in my pocket.

I had a rough morning filled with anxiety and frustration. I tried to look at all the websites describing the 101 ways to die because of smoking. But I was doing it. I was doing great.

Until I went to lunch. As we pulled to the burger joint that my buddy and I go to he was like. "Hey did I leave my sunglasses here somewhere in your truck ... some where here ... somewhere..." and then he popped the center console and I saw them. A pack of smokes that I had forgotten about for whatever reason right there in my truck.

Great.

We got back from lunch and now all I could think about was going out there and getting one.

So I did.

And it was great. The most stale smoke ever. Probably very disgusting and gross but I didnt care.

Now I feel like a dumbass. I almost made it. What the hell is wrong with me.

I love smoking. I hate smoking.

Guess I'll try again tomorrow.

This sucks. I'm all alone with this crap.

Just me and this stupid blog.

10 more days

2006-07-27T12:13:00.000-07:00

It's 10 days away.

I only brought 3 smokes with me to work today.

I still have them in my pocket. It's 1:10PM. I haven't smoked since 7:48AM. I would have normally had at least two by now.

I like having them in my pocket. I'll be happy to take at least one home with me.

Benny Parsons was just diagnosed with lung cancer and he hasn't touched them since 1978.
Peter Jennings quit in 1988 and still died 17 years later.

Oh my gawd. What am I doing?

Monday, August 7, 2006 @ 5:43:21PM

2006-07-13T14:14:00.000-07:00

What is so special about this date/time?

This is the day that I want to quit smoking. Second try this year. I went camping with the family over 4th July weekend and quit for over 48 hours. Big deal to me but I feel myself slowly slipping back into the clutches of the habit.

My buddy and I made a deal to quit. So far he is doing great.

I am not.

I broke the deal. Which was so carefully crafted to accomodate ultimate failure on my part anyway.

I knew that I was going to start again before I even quit.

I lie to myself like that quite often.

Will it work this time? Only time will tell... beginning on:

08/07/06 05:43:21

This is gonna suck. I just know it. Stay tuned.

Day Three

2006-02-06T16:49:00.000-08:00

I have been taking Wellbutrin 150mg for 3 days now. I cannot feel the sensation that only a smoker can describe. I dont feel the 'rush' at the end of the inhale of a drag of a cigarette. The doctor told me that some people get bored with smoking after taking Wellbutrin. I found myself trying to smoke MORE to get that 'rush' with no success. Toward the end of the day, I found myself ditching the rest of a perfectly good smoke just because I was cold and bored. Smoking until this point has been the utmost priority of my day. I have scheduled my life around cigarettes. Now, I find myself almost forgetting to smoke. Unbelieveable. I'm not sold yet and I havent quit yet. Stay tuned.

Day Zero

2006-02-03T12:26:00.000-08:00

I got a prescription for Welbutrin today to help quit smoking.

Here goes nothing. Gonna take the first 150mg tonight.

Update tomorrow.