This sucks

So Monday is supposed to be my quit day. I've been gearing up for it and preparing.

I had a good weekend and had very few smokes all weekend. I ran out and didnt buy anymore.

So I went to work today for the first time ever with no smokes in my pocket.

I had a rough morning filled with anxiety and frustration. I tried to look at all the websites describing the 101 ways to die because of smoking. But I was doing it. I was doing great.

Until I went to lunch. As we pulled to the burger joint that my buddy and I go to he was like. "Hey did I leave my sunglasses here somewhere in your truck ... some where here ... somewhere..." and then he popped the center console and I saw them. A pack of smokes that I had forgotten about for whatever reason right there in my truck.

Great.

We got back from lunch and now all I could think about was going out there and getting one.

So I did.

And it was great. The most stale smoke ever. Probably very disgusting and gross but I didnt care.

Now I feel like a dumbass. I almost made it. What the hell is wrong with me.

I love smoking. I hate smoking.

Guess I'll try again tomorrow.

This sucks. I'm all alone with this crap.

Just me and this stupid blog.

10 more days

It's 10 days away.

I only brought 3 smokes with me to work today.

I still have them in my pocket. It's 1:10PM. I haven't smoked since 7:48AM. I would have normally had at least two by now.

I like having them in my pocket. I'll be happy to take at least one home with me.

Benny Parsons was just diagnosed with lung cancer and he hasn't touched them since 1978.
Peter Jennings quit in 1988 and still died 17 years later.

Oh my gawd. What am I doing?

Monday, August 7, 2006 @ 5:43:21PM

What is so special about this date/time?

This is the day that I want to quit smoking. Second try this year. I went camping with the family over 4th July weekend and quit for over 48 hours. Big deal to me but I feel myself slowly slipping back into the clutches of the habit.

My buddy and I made a deal to quit. So far he is doing great.

I am not.

I broke the deal. Which was so carefully crafted to accomodate ultimate failure on my part anyway.

I knew that I was going to start again before I even quit.

I lie to myself like that quite often.

Will it work this time? Only time will tell... beginning on:

08/07/06 05:43:21

This is gonna suck. I just know it. Stay tuned.